We live in a culture that constantly tells us we can have anything, create anything, and be anything. Yet so many of us feel we don’t have what we wanted, aren’t able to create what we desire, and feel we are not enough as we are. The answer may lie in how we calibrate ourselves. Reality and perception don’t always match.

The issue often lies in how we calibrate ourselves to the realities of change. When we don’t fully understand the complexity of a change or something we want to create, we misjudge where we are on that journey. This misalignment can lead to disappointment and, in some cases, giving up entirely.

The fundamental issue isn’t necessarily our capability—it’s our calibration. Many of us rush into challenges thinking, “How hard can it be?” Then, when we discover it’s more difficult and time-consuming than expected, we blame ourselves or wonder if we’re simply not equipped for success. But in reality, things are what they are. Change has its own inherent complexity that exists regardless of our initial perceptions.

Take weight loss, for example. The popular notion suggests that you simply eat less and move more, and the weight will disappear. But for many people, especially as we age, it’s much more about metabolism, which introduces an entirely different category of knowledge and change requirements. If we begin this journey without understanding these complexities, we may set ourselves up for frustration before we even start.

Most things that come easy to us didn’t happen overnight. Because we were interested, often from an early age, we spent many hours thinking about it, playing with it, drawing it, and so on. A “car guy” at four years old may develop what feels like a naturally mechanical mind. Yet this wasn’t simply given—passion created it through countless hours of engagement and curiosity. When we try to develop new skills later in life, we often forget how much invisible work went into our existing capabilities.

So how do we properly calibrate ourselves? It starts with understanding where we are, where we’re hoping to go, and what the journey actually entails. On a map, you can point to two locations and say, “I’m here and I’m going there.” But as the saying goes, the map is not the terrain. The metaphorical distance is relative depending on your mode of transportation, your available resources, and your individual starting point.

In careers, people do make significant shifts, but these transitions follow patterns that are often overlooked. Moving from carpenter to welder represents substantial change, but it shares a similar framework of material, tool, and skill. It might take two years to become a proficient welder if you’ve spent twenty years as a carpenter. But when you’re talking about completely different domains—say, moving from Accountant to Lion Taming—the timeline extends dramatically because of the fundamental differences in knowledge bases and skill sets. An easier transition might be to Ant Eater Training, for example. Just ask anyone from Monty Python.

This isn’t a popular topic because it confronts us with the reality that some changes are genuinely difficult and time-consuming. When we’re sold on something being “super easy” only to discover how challenging it truly is, we often feel discouraged. It’s like starting to walk to the ocean through a desert without fully realizing the distance ahead.

The value in recalibrating change is this: when we step into an environment with our eyes more fully open, we give ourselves additional capacity to reach our destination. By calibrating ourselves accurately with solid information, we become more realistic and therefore better prepared for the journey ahead. Honest calibration doesn’t diminish our dreams—it gives them the solid foundation they need to eventually become reality.

Meaningful change requires us to understand the terrain ahead, carefully assess our current position, and then move forward with clearer eyes. When we do this—when we recalibrate our understanding before beginning the journey—we set ourselves up not for disappointment, but for more genuine, sustainable progress.

Calibration is the beginning point when I work with clients around weight loss. We come to understand where they are and who they are and where they want to go. We look at their life situation and habits realistically and honestly, and together we build a plan and a map. How much time do they have to make these changes consistently? What hurdles do we need to get beyond? What support do they have? The beginning of a weight loss journey with me as a coach begins with a clear recalibration of the distance they will travel.

So before you embark on your next big change, consider taking the time to explore what might be involved. Research, talk to people who have made similar transitions, and be honest with yourself about the time and resources that will be required. This isn’t defeatism—it’s a more powerful form of optimism, because it’s grounded in a more nuanced reality.

Recalibrate your approach to change, and you may find your chances of success naturally improve.